Yes, I'm still alive

It's been soooo long since I wrote on here that I've almost forgotten how to use Blogger.

Life has become dominated by Poppy. I get up at 7, stagger to the kitchen, warm a bottle, put GMTV on (more of which later), feed Poppy, put her down, get ready for work, squeeze onto a train, boot up my work PC, write a to-do list, receive numerous bulletins from Buffy about Poppy's doings (I missed Poppy's first laugh the other day; she was probably thinking about her poor old father slogging his guts out to pay for her baby wipes), watch my to-do list grow, squeeze onto a another train, get home, play with Poppy, watch TV, try to stop Poppy crying, eat dinner while rocking Poppy in her chair with my foot, put her dummy in for the millionth time, feed her, go to bed, get up at 7...

I might sound like I'm moaning but I actually love it. Poppy is so cute and gorgeous and loveable - and, importantly, looks quite a lot like me - that the hours I get to spend with her are ace. I particularly enjoy dancing with her in front of the mirror. We gaze at each other's reflections while jigging to 'The Salmon Dance' by the Chemical Brothers. That's her favourite. That and 'Puff the Magic Dragon'. Rather worrying that her favourite songs are about drugs.

Buffy spends 24 hours a day with the Popster, and remarkably hasn't gone completely insane. I think she retains her sanity by building up her friend list on Facebook and watching Cheaters, possibly the most irresponsible programme ever. People being confronted by a self-righteous TV presenter and a camera crew while innocently trying to shag their bit on the side. Shocking stuff.

The one thing you can guarantee when you have a baby is that your TV consumption will increase by about 400%, and ours was pretty bad anyway. Most people probably don't realise that GMTV is actually 15 minutes of programming on a loop for four hours. When you've seen Ben Shepherd say the same thing about Madeleine McCann for the eight time you start to wonder if you're having a recurring nightmare.

GMTV isn't the only thing on a loop. I've discovered that if you watch TV all day and night you only see eight adverts. Again and again and again and again until you HAVE to rush to the shops and buy everything you've seen in the commercials. Our cupboards are full of Organics shampoo and that perfume advertised by those two people making out in a boat. I also bought some tight white speedos as I thought that was what they were advertising but Buffy won't let me wear them. Not out, anyway.

The worst advert of all is that one about Mickey. I think he's advertising Head and Shoulders. 'Everyone knows a bloke like Mickey... he has a look for every occasion... he hates flakes... his favourite look is morning hair.' If I've ever wished premature baldness on anyone it's Mickey. Buffy thinks it's because I'm jealous of his good looks. But I'm not. I just think he's a c***.